oprahs-right-nipple:

when i was at my first high school there was this really religious girl who would tell you off if you swore or said stuff like ‘oh my god’ and then one day she wouldn’t stop correcting the science teacher and he just turned around and went “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SOPHIE SHUT THE FUCK UP” and she freaked out and started praying and then the next week her parents tried to sue the teacher 

• me: makes a mistake
• me: thinks about mistake every night for the next 7 years

arribaarribacabron:

dogesexual:

do you type differently depending on the person you’re talking to

My grammar goes from formal essay to wat the fuck did u jst say u lil shit

oomshi:

*seductively whispers in your ear* what do you want from mcdonalds

freefolly:

anaisforthewin:

shapeshiftandtrick:

ryan-aniki:

shapeshiftandtrick:

How does one tell a boy that one likes him

I am a boy and have a foolproof plan for this:

1. text them and start playing one of those 20q games
2. if they start being a dodgy fella drop em
3. if they ask “You like anyone?”
    reply Yeah, you.
4. If they give you a negative reply sayin they dont like you back then just correct yourself to “*Yeah, you?”

Dude that is genius

Slow clappin’ it out.

This is amazing

phil-is-my-cat:

luridafic:

mirukaku:

one time this kid sneezed in class and i said “goodnight”

basically my social skills

i seriously laughed at this for like 3 years

(Source: angrybirdsmoviemoved)

esexist:

sleeping comes so naturally to me like i could do it with my eyes closed tbh

su-ic-id-al:

I wish there was a way to kill yourself and see how everyone who you knew reacts, and then depending on that choose whether to stay dead or not. If that were the case I’d kill myself right this second.